Qualms
by Gomes
Summary: [GC] “You’re right, it isn’t any of my business.”
1. Caught

TITLE : Qualms

AUTHOR : Gomey

ARCHIVE : Anywhere...just let me know so I can brag, hehe.

RATING : R

SPOILERS : shrugs

DISCLAIMER : All known characters and premises belong to their respective owners. So there.

SUMMARY : "You're right, it isn't any of my business."

NOTES : qualm (noun) scruple, sick feeling.

* * *

Chapter One

* * *

"Cath." Gil smiled as his mouth delighted in forming her name, as a whisper of air gently deposited his voice to her ears. 

She turned around and grinned, giving him a playful wink. "What...miss me already?"

He chuckled lightly, glancing around him, thankful that the bustling halls were absolutely empty thanks to the long weekend, before closing the distance between them. He pressed her up against the wall just outside his office; using his body to pin hers just where he wanted it. "Where do you think you're going? You have work to do..."

She quirked an eyebrow as a slow sultry smile formed. "So, making me your bitch now is compensation for what...you being my bitch in bed?"

He moaned as he allowed her to grab hold of his lower lip between her teeth, gently tugging him into a warm kiss.

"God Gil, you make me hot -"She jerked her hips towards his, feeling him harden instantly.

"Well that's a first."

Both agents whipped their heads around, coming face to face with sarcasm.

"Catherine. Gil."

"Conrad." Gil replied politely, though Catherine could feel the hot blood running through his body. He took a step back from Catherine, physically breaking away from desire, though still connected on a deeper level. "What do you want."

Conrad shrugged, his infamous smirk surfacing while he eyed his prey. "Nothing. I just wanted to know that if Catherine was so ill that she required mouth-to-mouth ... why she didn't bother calling in sick."

Catherine glanced uneasily at Gil, watching him stare intently at the Day Shift supervisor with a murderous stare. "Gil, he's not worth it, honey."

"Honey?" Conrad repeating, trying to mimic Catherine's tone and inflections.

Gil glanced at Catherine, afraid of the consequences as soon as such a term of endearment slipped from her lips. His eyes focussed on her lips, thick and succulent, and images of passion flashed through his mind, almost to a point where he was granted the echoes of her climactic moans once more.

"How sweet." Conrad grinned, clasping his hands behind his back. "Shy, anti-social, politically constipated bug enthusiast finds soul mate in loud, aggressive, scantily-clad ex-stripper." He tilted his head to the side slightly, his evil smile never faltering. "Match made in heaven."

"Conrad..." Grit teeth allowed his name a narrow escape. "This doesn't concern you, so back off!" Gil took a step forward, ire burning at the terms the supervisor used to describe his best-friend with.

Conrad took a step back, hands raised in his defence. "You're right, it isn't any of my business." Passive aggression suited the man very well. He smiled and turned on his heel, heading down the hall.

Gil turned, facing Catherine who was now leaning against the wall on her own accord. Minutes prior, his lust and love was flying free, but now he feared for their future.

Catherine leaned her head back, her mind conjuring up similar thoughts to the blue-eyed man in front of her.

They both glanced at each other simultaneously, fear kissed eyes trying desperately to offer comfort even when in dire need of solace.

...was it over?

–TBC–


	2. Consider

(Disclaimers et all in first chapter)

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

They stood staring at each other for moments on end, both terrified of the consequences of their actions.

Gil finally snapped out of his trance, realizing her shaken state. "Come here." He opened up his arms, enveloping her in a warm embrace that comforted both bodies for a whisper.

"Gil."

He sighed loudly, resting his head against the crook of her neck. "We'll be okay." He glanced up at her, ignoring the second time he was summoned.

"Gil Grissom!"

Gil cocked his head to the side, meeting the eyes of Assistant Director Robert Cavallo. "What?" He almost growled, slowly losing grasp of all control. He drew back suddenly, feeling Catherine give his hand a supportive squeeze. "Sir?"

"My office. Now."

Gil turned, glancing at Catherine, searching her eyes for a sign that everything was going to be alright.

"Gil...I mean now." Robert barked, already nearing his office.

Gil walked backwards, his blues still on hers until he could no longer make out the unshed tears that wet her eyes. He turned and walked in, the door slamming shut behind him courtesy of Conrad's foot.

Gil watched the Day Shift supervisor take a seat beside the Assistant Director. He narrowed his eyes at him, both supervisors silently duelling it out. "To what do I owe such a pleasant visit, Robert?" Gil asked, fury clouding his better judgement. "I mean, normally you send out your goons to escort one of us in here...is it safe to assume this is good news?" Gil sat down heavily in the chair, leaning back slightly.

"You know why you were summoned here, Gil." Robert kept his voice emotionless, mirroring his facial expression.

"Is there a ring of yours that I should kiss?" Sarcasm was running rampant, as the Graveyard Shift supervisor tried, and with much success, to egg on the Assistant Director.

"Gil, you're skating on thin ice here. You know that relationships between employees are generally frowned upon -"

"- but not illegal." Gil cut in, a certain smug air permeating around him. He sat back, folding his arms across his chest.

Robert glanced at Conrad, hearing a chuckle being emitted from his throat. He raised an eyebrow, looking at the Day Shift supervisor before speaking to Gil. "But relationships between supervisor and subordinate are."

The ire ping-ponged back and forth between the two men before Conrad cut in. "What Director Cavallo is trying to say is that your actions might cost us our integrity as number two crime lab in North America."

Gil's eyes slowly swept over to Conrad's form "And how do you think it got to where it's at now, Conrad?" He asked aggressively, hands clench and ready for combat.

"Oh, no need to thank me, Gil. Cavallo -has- put in some good work."

"Why is he here?"He looked around the office, muttering to himself. "I hear the police force is looking a few good sniffing dogs."

Robert leaned forward on his desk, arms folded in front of him. "CSI Ecklie was the one who reported the incident to me - granted we've been expecting something of this nature to occur since Catherine started working at the lab."

"We've been under investigation?" Gil leaned forward in his chair, appalled. He stood up abruptly, heading for the door. "We have stacks of unsolved cases, but you have been wasting your energy watching a soap opera unfold."

"Gil, we're not finished here." Robert's commanding tone stopped Gil in his tracks.

He paused at the door. "We are finished."

"What?"

"Consider this my official resignation from the supervisor position for the Graveyard Shift." His hand gripped the handle tightly, his mind not doubting for one second the words just uttered.

"Gil, you're making a big mistake -"

Gil turned around, finally facing the two men. "If all that's holding me back from having a relationship with Catherine is my supervisor position - this meaningless title...then I don't want it. Let me go back to being a CSI Level three."

"It's not meaningless and you know it, Gil." Robert stood up, walking over to him.

"Without Cath ... it is."

–TBC–


	3. Defeat

(disclaimers et all in chapter one)

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

Nick and Warrick strolled past Gil's office, peeking in through the open blinds. "Hmm, check out all those boxes...where do you think he's going?" 

"Maybe..." Warrick paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Well, remember the gossip Gremlin?" Warrick grinned.

"Who, Greg?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, "he said that rumour had it that Gil was called into Cavallo's office. Ecklie was there too."

"Maybe he got a promotion...or a better office." Nick pondered, as they continued walking towards the break room. "Or maybe he was forced to duke it out with Ecklie - mano à mano."

"Well Greg said that he heard one of the lab techs mentioning how content Grissom seemed, when he exited the office..."

"Maybe he won." Nick shrugged, giving his partner a nudge, as they both spotted Gil leaning against the door-frame. "Hey Grissom - congratulations!"

Gil offered a small smile to both CSIs and glanced behind them, spotting Catherine hurrying along towards him. "Okay, let's begin..." He commenced, watching Sara join them from the round table that reposed in the break room. "Warrick and Nick, you guys have a break-in turned homicide, right near the strip." Gil handed the two men a folder. "David's already at the scene, so you guys can join him in a second." He held up his hand, ordering the two to remain until he was finished. "Catherine, Sara - you guys have a DB waiting for you, over at the Holiday Inn Express, over by the falls.

"Ooh, nice view." Sara grinned, taking the folder from Gil.

"Lastly," Gil took a deep breath, despite a rather casual undertone presenting itself. "I'm on a week's leave..." He began, giving his team a sheepish smile, "forced, of course."

"What?" Catherine took a step forward, searching his eyes. "Gil...what are you hiding?"

He sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor. They hadn't spoken since he stormed out of Robert's office, and had been battling his emotions all night, trying desperately to find a way to approach the subject with her.

"There's something more, isn't there?" She placed her hands on his shoulders, trying to instill a sense of comfort so the walls could easily crumble and some sort of trust could be established.

The other three CSIs shared a look, confusion evident in their expressions.

"What are you not telling me, Gil?" Catherine almost pleaded with him, leaning in closer, no longer bothered by any public displays.

"Perhaps that this is the last assignment CSI Grissom will be handing out to you guys."

They all turned, eyes fixated on Conrad's grin, the evil glint in his eye sparkling with mischief.

"Say hello to your new supervisor, for the time being." His acidic smile was in no way deemed shy as he waved a few folders in hand. "I have your cases -"

"- we already got our cases." Nick interjected, holding up his own folder.

"Yeah." Sara agreed, arms folded across her chest.

"Just give us the word, Grissom, and we're heading out to do our work." Warrick supported Gil, not only as a supervisor, but a trusted friend.

"Gil...?" Catherine finally spoke, searching for truth in Conrad's statement.

"Finish your cases and report back to Supervisor Ecklie." Gil said, trying to keep his dignity. He looked past Catherine, not able to bring himself to meet her gaze.

Conrad clapped his hands together. "C'mon, move it...you guys are killing moonlight here." He let out a small chuckle, watching Sara, Nick and Warrick slowly walk away from the break room, every once in awhile turning around as if awaiting this event to be in jest. When they finally exited the building, he turned towards the strawberry-blonde, who still hadn't taken her eyes off her best-friend. "Catherine..."

Her voice was frail, emotions slowly overwhelming her, adding to the confusion of this situation. "Yeah yeah...I'm going..."

"Actually," he paused, his eyes skipping towards Gil who was still leaning against the door-frame, eyes closed but still offering light to his emotional state, "Cavallo wants to meet with you right now."

"I have a case," She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, "Sara's waiting for me in the parking lot.

"Yeah, and she can wait a little longer - I'm sure the DB will keep." He replied sarcastically, already making his way to Robert's office.

Catherine dropped her head to her chest, forcing her feet in the Robert's direction.

Gil finally opened his eyes, sensing her body retreating from his form. He watched her, unmoved from his position, as she stepped in, never looking back.

He sighed, his eyes finding snippets of his encounter with the director materializing on the floor, hallucinations that now seemed to offer doubt to his decision.

* * *

"Gil, this lab does require your service as supervisor..." Robert began, panic hitting him like a runaway freight train.

"Why?" Gil whipped around, facing the director. "Why do you need me if Ecklie and yourself were the ones who single-handedly raised this lab from the ashes like a phoenix, ranking it number two in North America. So why need me? I'm sure your lab puppy here can handle the work-load - hell maybe he'll probably do a better job than me." Gil chuckled. "Give him a year and I'm sure Conrad here can push us to number one. It's a one man lab, isn't it, Conrad?"

Robert sighed, shaking his head. "This is ludicrous, you're giving up your life's work here, Gil. For what - for a girl?"

"Do not make me validate my reasons for my decision because you'll be on the losing end." Gil clenched his jaw, trying to control the anger that was boiling within.

Conrad stepped forward. "If you vacate the position, I can guarantee that I'll have it filled by the end of shift."

Gil raised his eyebrow at the other man's smug demeanor. "I have no qualms working under any of my CSIs, they are all qualified for this job - some more than others." He stated calmly, no longer irked by their petty threats.

"One more than the others, in fact, I'll ask her tonight." Conrad grinned, walking past Gil.

Gil kept his eyes on the floor, understanding the Day Shift supervisor's tactics. "She'll say no."

Conrad laughed, not bothering to face the blue-eyed man. "And what makes you so sure...?" He left no time for an answer and strolled down the halls.

"Gil - reconsider your decision." Robert's tone had calmed, causing Gil to suspect that most of his positional power was fuelled by fear of his worth in the lab's eye.

His gaze snapped to the director and he stared him down until Robert finally looked away, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "It's been made." Gil sighed, and walked out of the office, proud of his decision for finally following his heart for once.

* * *

He shook his head, dislodging himself from reverie's grasp just in time to see Catherine step out from Robert's office. She looked at him and smiled sadly, heading towards the parking lot from the back entrance. He continued staring at the exact same spot she had just occupied as doubt began to further build in the pit of his stomach. He jumped slightly, feeling Conrad's presence looming by. 

Conrad leaned in, his mouth close to Gil's ear. "Too bad." It held no emotion, and as he withdrew, a self-satisfied grin formed, silently mocking Gil.

Gil watched him leave, his eyes burning with emotion. "I lost..."

–TBC–


	4. Mistake

(Disclaimers et all in first chapter)

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

Catherine stood in front of Gil's door, calmly fishing through her purse for his key. She smiled as she plucked her key chain - a small frame with a their picture adorning the set of four keys: townhouse, car, locker and office. She opened the door, shutting it quietly behind her. "Gil?" Toeing off her shoes near the entrance and placing her handbag on the floor, she padded to his room. 

Opening the door, she found the bed still unmade from their morning together. She leaned against the door, momentarily admiring the empty bed - reliving the sights, sounds and pleasures of their time together. Shivers coursed through her body, and she suddenly ached for his being. She checked his bathroom, as well as the spare bedroom. Heading towards her handbag to get her cell phone, she spied him lying curled up on his brown leather couch. "Gil..." She sighed with relief, walking towards his form.

He had heard her come in, felt her energy walk past and head to his room. Thoughts of her in his room spawned arousing images that pained his heart with betrayal. He shut his eyes tightly until they began to hurt, trying to will out desire. He sighed softly, wondering if she had been gunning for his position since the beginning. For the first time in his life, his heart had not been confused, and he followed love's calculated guidance, instead of logic's painful reality. "I guess I should congratulate you." He muttered, pressing his forehead further into the back of the couch.

She cocked her head to the side, confused at his statement. "What do you mean?"

Her question was slow and deliberate, letting him know that she was aware of his intention. "They must have had one hell of an argument because you certainly came out of there with guilt on your mind."

She took a step back, her eyes burning with tears. "What's got you, Gil?" She asked, her voice quivering slightly.

"I'm suspended...and demoted, and you just jump at the chance to -"

"To what, Gil!" She yelled, cutting him off before he could finish.

He finally turned on his side, facing her. "To just take my life's work without second thought." His voice dropped, defeat presently growing.

"Word is you willingly gave up your position." She said, turning on her heel, heading towards the door.

He grabbed her wrist, jerking her back. "Because of you...I gave it up because of you - not for!"

She wrestled her arm from his grasp. "And I refused the offer because of -you-!" Her voice matched his intensity, her heart hammering in her chest as tears began to fall. She sighed, picking up her purse and walking towards the door.

Gil dropped his head back on the couch, cringing as he heard a metallic 'clank', the door's slam echoing not far behind. He bit the tip of his tongue, hard, until he tasted the bitter taste of blood in his mouth.

–TBC–


	5. Unworthy

(disclaimers et all in first chapter)

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

Her forehead rested against her palm, elbow claiming space on the arm of the couch. The fireplace crackled noisily - a welcomed visitor to replace the one she longed for. She sighed, eyes closed lightly, trying desperately not to squeeze out any more swollen tears. She heard the first knock, registered the second one and ignored the third time the hand came into contact with the wooden door. Her eyes hugged the fire when the knocking became more insistent and, drawing strength from the flames, she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and walked towards the door. "What do you want, Gil?" Her voice was tired, and she leaned her forehead against the cool wooden surface.

"Ma'am, can you please open up?"

She rolled her eyes, her hand clawing at the door handle through her blanketed grasp. She swung it open, having already recognized his voice. "What do you want, Gil?"

His eyes were levelled with the floor, and he only dared to raise his gaze up to her knees, soon opting to return it back to the ground, resting it on a more secure level. "Good evening ma'am, I'm collecting donations for the 'Jerk' foundation. My name is Gil Grissom, I'm the president."

She closed her eyes, sighing out a chuckle - despite not wanting to show any other emotion than anger. "I'm sorry," she began to humour him, "but I don't have any cash on me at the moment."

"Oh, that's okay, Miss." He quickly replied, eyes now boldly venturing up to her waist, not daring to rise any higher. "We're not collecting money."

She leaned against the door frame, the blanket being pulled tighter around her. "Oh...and just what exactly -are- you looking for?"

"Forgiveness."

She took a step back at his quick reply. "Forgiveness?"

His eyes finally met hers, and he held her attention, silently conveying messages of remorse.

She gazed into them deeply, understanding his sincerely apologetic look. "Get in." She took a step back, closing her eyes and inhaling his scent as he walked through the door. She shut the door behind him, leaning against it as she watched him toe off his boots and hang up his jacket in his spot.

She walked past him, sitting heavily on the couch, legs curled up underneath her.

Gil had felt her move, felt her energy withdraw from his surroundings and he watched her retreat to the couch, facing the empty spot at the other end. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the living room, crossing behind the couch, allowing his fingers to lightly caress her hair.

She shivered slightly, but tried to keep her expression neutral. She hated that he could affect her so deeply, no matter which side of the emotional spectrum: he had the power to offer her euphoria and dysphoria with one simple look. Fear had been building, whether she wanted to admit it or not, but it had been accumulating since pleasure's first wake. How long until he hurt her? She eyed him suspiciously, current fears battling with a hopeful 'happily-ever-after' delusions.

"Cath," he started, placing his hands together in a plea, "I want to start off by apologizing for doubting - " 

" - it was insulting, Gil." She cut him off, turning away from him.

"I know, and I didn't mean - "

" - not just to me, by more so to you." She shook her head, eyes levelling with the fire.

"I don't understand..." He leaned to the side, trying to read her gaze.

"By doubting my love for you, you're doubting yourself as man who can be loved." She sighed, her eyes misting with tears. "And I think that's what upset me the most." Two tears escaped, racing down her cheeks. "How can you not think yourself worth a woman's love?"

His eyes sought comfort in the fire as well. "Just yours, Cath."

She wiped away a tear from her cheek, rubbing the moisture between her index and thumb. "My love..." She looked at him, anger, love and fear flashing a confusing concoction. "I have done nothing but give my heart to you. I've thanked God everyday, Gil...everyday, that you are in my life, loving me for who I am." She swiped angrily at the tears that kept free-falling from her eyes. "I breathe for you, Gil. You're my life...and..."

His eyes softened, hurt by her pain and knowing that he was the cause of it. "Come here." He reached over, pulling her curled-up form into his lap, embracing her with protection. He held on to her deeply, as a minute rocking motion lulled her into comfort.

"I gave you everything, Gil...my love, heart, body...my soul." She rested her forehead against his cheek. "How can you still doubt my love?" She whispered the last part, her voice unsteady.

He closed his eyes, feeling her uneven breath hit his neck. "I never doubted your love...I just never thought myself worthy of it."

Anger erupted once more and she slapped him hard on the shoulder. "If anyone's to be unworthy, it would be me." She yelled, gripping his shirt as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "A stripper, a cocaine addict...beaten, used..." She took a deep breath "...and you still respected me, loved me through it all." She looked up, meeting his eyes as her voice dropped. "So who's undeserving now?"

His own eyes were wet, though the unshed tears nestled in his crystal blues. "You are my heart, Catherine." He leaned forward, kissing her hard as his emotion peaked at the thought of hurting her delicate soul. "I'm so sorry, Cath...so sorry..." He whispered over and over again into her mouth.

Her fingers clawed at his shirt, pulling herself closer into his warmth. "Just hold me...lie to me, tell me it'll all be okay." She begged him, her teeth carnally nipping at his neck.

"I won't lie to you, Cath...everything will be fine." His hand cupped her cheek, his eyes targeting her full lips. "More than fine." He kissed her once more, the excess of sensuality making up for the lack of roughness. One hand was lost in her hair while the other slipped the blanket off her shoulders. He reached under her shirt, touching the bare skin of her abdomen. He pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes.

Lust-lidded eyes answered him, her head nodding ever so slightly.

* * *

Gil sat on the floor in his office, dwarfed by brown boxes piled high. He strained to see around them, after hearing the door open, then close. He smiled, looking up at her. "Hey you."

"Hey." She bent down, giving him a delightful kiss on the lips. "So...any word on who's the new supervisor?" She took a seat in front of him, knees touching his.

He shrugged, blowing out a puff of air. "No one knows...I'm just glad Ecklie is still on Days."

"I don't know Gil - they could always move him."

"Over my dead body." He scoffed, giving her a playful nudge.

"Don't worry," she gave him a wink, "Robbins'll take good care of you."

He rolled his eyes, just as Robert Cavallo walked in. "Gil. Catherine." He greeted both CSIs while eyeing the multiple boxes in the room. "Grissom, I'd like to have a word with you in my office."

Gil raised an eyebrow, glancing at his partner. "Pain and good-fortune await, my dear." He winked, giving her a quick kiss.

Catherine smiled, and was about to lean back when a strong pair of arms hoisted her up to a standing position. "What the hell?" She laughed, slightly stunned.

"We have a meeting with Don Cavallo." He answered simply, guiding her out of the door, towards Robert's office.

"No no, -you- have a meet - "

"No...this is about us. From now on, it's us." He reiterated, stressing their union.

The two CSIs stepped into the office, immediately seeing Conrad standing beside a seated Robert. "Gil, this is a private meeting." Robert glanced at Catherine.

Gil then glanced at Ecklie. "Well, you get to keep the love of your life...why can't I keep mine?"

Conrad offered Gil a sneer and leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest.

"If Catherine leaves the room, -I- leave the room. Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of her."

Catherine smiled, hearing the familiar words. She slipped her hand in his, generating support and comfort from his warmth.

"So what can we help you with?"

She admired him more than ever, loving the way his whole posture changed right before her eyes. He was standing tall, a certain aggression in his eyes. She had never seen him so intimidating before, and a certain thrill ran its course through her body.

"We're prepared to offer you your job back." Robert began slowly, hands steepled in front of him.

"No one else wanted the job, I presume?" Gil shot back, his hand squeezing hers for strength.

"They refused to work under anyone else than you." Robert replied calmly. "Some even threatened to walk out if you were demoted." His eyes flicked to the strawberry-blonde.

Gil turned his head slowly, eyeing Catherine with surprise. "You would do that?"

She smiled softly, her thumb gently caressing the back of his hand. "You did it for me."

He broke out into a genuine smile, touched by her devotion.

"This is all sweet and so very touching, but we have a proposition for you." Conrad stepped forward, leaning on the Robert's desk. "You get your old job as the Graveyard Shift supervisor on two conditions: you and CSI Willows can not work together and can not be alone together, when inside this building."

Gil's face remained neutral while the Day Shift supervisor spoke. "How about this - I accept my old job as Graveyard Shift supervisor on these two conditions: Catherine and I -will- work together should a case demand our skills to ally and we'll be alone whenever we feel the need to escape your tyranny, with the hopes that you two will trust our judgement and focus your investigative skills on catching actual perpetrators." He cocked his head to the side, awaiting an answer.

Robert sighed, shaking his head. "Fine."

Gil smiled, nodding his head with appreciation. "Thank you, sir." He turned, his hand still grasping Catherine's. "Oh and Conrad...why don't you stick to the tabloids, huh? I'm sure that gossip is far more interesting."

* * *

Catherine giggled as soon as they exited Robert Cavallo's office. "I've never seen you like that, Gil." She brought her hand to cup his cheek. "I'm so proud of you, right now." She kissed him softly on the lips, conveying her love to him. She glided her lips across his cheek, to his ear. "Proud...and so turned on." She purred, nipping his lobe.

He chuckled, stepping in front of his office. Opening the door, he scooped her up in his arms.

She let out a squeal, kicking playfully. "What are you doing!" She laughed.

"Oh...I just thought we should re-christen my office."

He stepped into the room, kicking the door shut behind him.

–Finis–


End file.
